I miss you
by probablyprocrastinating
Summary: Merder au
1. Chapter 1

_Hi guys! So I really didn't plan on doing this so soon. I've had this story in mind for a while now and I was going to write it when I'd finished Perfect, but when I broke it down I figured it was going to be really short, probably around approx. six chapters. So I figured I might as well post this first chapter seeing as I've already written it. I know I've been MIA a bit recently but I'm going to try and update one of my stories once a week whether it be this one or Perfect (or dare I say Stone Cold)._

 _If you know me at all, you'll know that this is a Merder story and is au. Please review and thank you so much for reading! The song I miss you by Clean bandit kinda inspired this story if you haven't figured from the title and the lyrics haha._

 _I know you're out in Cabo_

 _Hanging with your brother_

 _Wishin' that I was your bottle_

 _So I could be close to your lips again_

 _I know you didn't call your parents_

 _And tell them that we ended_

 _'Cause you know that they'd be offended_

 _Did you not wanna tell them it's the end_

 _And I know we're not supposed to talk_

 _But I'm getting ahead of myself_

 _I get scared when we're not_

 _'Cause I'm scared you're with somebody else_

 _So I guess that it is gone_

 _And I just keep lying to myself_

 _I can't believe it_

 _I, I miss you, yeah I miss you_

 _I miss you, yeah I miss you, oh I do_

 _I miss you, yeah I miss you_

 _Though I'm tryin' not to right now_

 _You weren't a fan of pictures_

 _So I hardly ever took 'em_

 _Got them saved in my mind from the bedroom_

 _So that way I can't forget your skin_

 _So I saved all the texts_

 _All of the best over the years_

 _Just to remind myself_

 _Of how good it is_

 _Or was_

 _And I know we're not supposed to talk_

 _But I'm getting ahead of myself_

 _I get scared when we're not_

 _'Cause I'm scared you're with somebody else_

 _So I guess that it is gone_

 _And I just keep lying to myself_

 _I can't believe it_

 _I, I miss you, yeah I miss you_

 _I miss you, yeah I miss you, oh I do_

 _I miss you, yeah I miss you_

 _Though I'm tryin' not to right now_

 _So I saved all the texts_

 _All of the best over the years_

 _Just to remind myself_

 _Of how good it is_

 _Yeah, I saved all the texts off of my ex_

 _Minus the tears_

 _Just to remind myself_

 _Of how good it is_

 _Or was_

 _'Cause I miss you, yeah I miss you_

 _I miss you, yeah I miss you, oh I do_

 _I miss you, yeah I miss you_

 _Though I'm tryin' not to right now_

 _I can't help it, I just_

 _Though I'm tryin' not to right now_

 _How? I can't help it, I just_

Meredith gazed out of the window as the raindrops continued to splatter against it, making the view of campus extremely blurry. It was seven twenty, and she had been sat in the same seat in the damn library since four and read about half a page of her damn book. Her concentration was totally off, she had a paper due in three days and was so far behind it was crazy. Cristina had finished hers last week and Izzie was almost done with hers, whereas she was getting nowhere.

It was obvious tonight wasn't her night, it would probably be best to go grab something to eat and see if she could study all night in her room. And if not, maybe get an early night and study before class tomorrow.

It panicked her that she wasn't panicked. Usually she was so on top of all her work but this paper just wasn't happening for her. It was the first one of the new semester and normally she was really motivated, but she just couldn't concentrate. Third year of med school was already kicking her butt. She sighed as she sat up and closed her textbook, shoving it in her bag before picking up her empty starbucks cup and making her way out of the library.

The rain was pouring down outside, which only reminded her of Seattle. It rained there all the time, Hanover was lucky enough to more or less get four seasons, whereas Seattle was just rain all the time. Thankfully her dorm wasn't a long walk from the library and hopefully Cristina wouldn't be studying so she would have someone to talk to. If she hadn't already eaten, maybe they could get a takeout for dinner, invite Izzie over.

Izzie had been in one of Cristina's classes last week when they started back at college after the summer and lived in their building on the floor below. She seemed nice and it was good to have someone around who was a bit chirpier than Cristina. Not that Cristina wasn't a great friend, she was. She was totally great and got her in ways no one else did, but she also didn't get her in a lot of ways. But maybe Cristina was what she needed right now. She was behind on her studying and that was something Cristina would be good at helping with. She was a complete nerd, even if she'd never admit it. She had never skipped a class at their whole time at Dartmouth, whereas Meredith had been to her Thursday nine am class about twice last year.

She pushed the door open to their building, finally escaping the rain and heading up the first flight of stairs until she reached her and Cristina's dorm on the third floor. Her keys were right at the bottom of her bag and she fumbled with them until she managed to push the door open, revealing Cristina sat on her bed, textbook on her lap, and Izzie on Meredith's bed, a textbook on her lap too.

'Hey Mer.' Izzie grinned, moving over on to the side of her bed. 'Sorry, I'll move.'

'No, you're fine Iz.' Meredith shrugged, pulling off her coat and hanging it up on the back of the door. 'Do you guys want pizza?' she asked as she slumped next to her friend, leaning against the wall.

'Well you're cheery.' Said Cristina flatly.

'Thanks.' Meredith replied, smiling sarcastically.

'For real, you look like you've got up a stick up your ass.'

'I do not.' Meredith frowned.

'Yes, you do.' Cristina quipped, putting her textbook on the bed. 'You mentioned pizza?'

'Right.' Meredith nodded. 'I'm hungry.'

'Me too.' Said Izzie. 'Pizza sounds good.'

'Should I get the menu?' Meredith asked, standing up and walking over to the drawer by her desk and pulling the pamphlet out and giving it Izzie.

'Ooo I've never ordered from here before.' Said Izzie, her eyes widening at the menu. 'Is it good?'

'Yeah.' Meredith nodded, sitting back down next to her.

'Meh.' Cristina shrugged. 'The place on Smith Street is better.'

'It is?' frowned Izzie from behind the piece of paper. 'Then why don't we order from there?'

'Meredith?' Said Cristina, looking at her expectantly.

'What? I told you I don't want pizza from there.'

'Sure.' Cristina rolled her eyes.

'I don't get it.' Said Izzie, shooting a look at both of her new friends.

'Mer won't let us order from there anymore.'

'What?' she frowned.

'Cristina!' snapped Meredith.

'What? You wont.' Cristina shrugged.

'Ohhh, did you get food poisoning or something?' Izzie asked, her face screwed up.

'Yeah that's it.' Said Cristina sarcastically.

'Cristina!' repeated Meredith, pleading with her eyes.

'Okay, whatever I'll drop it. We'll get crappy pizza instead.'

'It's not crappy.' Meredith corrected. 'Their meat feast is so good.'

'Whatever.' Said Cristina. 'I'm getting vegetarian. Get me a coke when you order too.'

'Okay,' Meredith nodded, pulling out her cell phone and bringing up the number. 'Do you know what you want Iz?'

'I think I'm gonna get the meat feast too.'

'Okay.' She sighed, dialling and ordering. When she hung up she sighed, staring at her phone lock screen. A picture of her and Cristina the previous week at a house party on campus.

'So what's up?' asked Cristina.

'Nothing.' She said adamantly.

'Meredith…' Cristina raised her eyebrows at her.

'Nothing.' She said firmer, glaring at her friend.

'Okay I know I'm new here, so if you guys wanna talk, I'll leave if you want.' Offered Izzie, glancing at the two.

'No. Stay.' Said Meredith quickly. 'I'm fine.'

'Except you're not fine.' Said Cristina simply.

'Cristina. Drop it.'

'Okay.' She said, holding her hands up. 'Dropping it.'

'So..' said Izzie awkwardly. 'Do you want to study with us?'

'What are you studying for?' Meredith asked, looking at the textbook on Izzie's lap.

'The test on Friday.' Replied Cristina, picking her book back up.

'Friday?' breathed Meredith. 'You're already studying for Friday?'

'Yeah…. I started last night.' Said Cristina.

'It's super hard.' Sighed Izzie. 'If you haven't started, I would.'

'Are you kidding?' exclaimed Meredith. ' I haven't even finished my paper for Thursday yet. Hell I haven't even started writing it.'

'What?' gasped Izzie. 'Mer you said you were nearly done with that!'

'I know.' She sighed. 'I lied.'

'Dude what the fuck?' said Cristina. 'There's no way you're going to get all that done now.'

'That's not exactly the confidence boost she needs.' Hissed Izzie, shooting her a look.

'Don't make feel worse than I already do.' Meredith groaned. 'I just…. I don't know. I can't do it.'

'Sure you can.' Smiled Izzie. 'I know I said it was hard, but you're smart. Study this with us tonight, start writing your paper tomorrow and you'll have it done by Thursday no problem.'

'Yeah.' Meredith sighed.

'Okay I wasn't going to bring it up seeing as I'm "not allowed",' Cristina began, putting the words in quotation marks. 'But you need to man the fuck up.'

'Cristina!' Meredith hissed again.

'What?' frowned Izzie, settling her book down and turning toward Meredith.

'Meredith's being a sap.' Cristina rolled her eyes.

'I, am not being a sap.' Meredith shot back.

'Totally being a sap.' Cristina nodded.

'I'm not.' She insisted. 'I just cant concentrate.'

'You seriously need to stop thinking about him, Mer.'

'I am not thinking about him!' she gasped her eyes going wide.

'You so are.' Cristina laughed. 'You're supposed to be hardcore and you can't even study cause you're still hung up on him. It's been almost four months, get over him.'

'Over him?!' echoed Izzie excitedly. 'Oooo get over who?'

'Her ex-boyfriend.' Cristina replied quickly before Meredith could cut her off.

'Cristina please.' She begged. 'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Neither do I, trust me.' Cristina laughed harshly. 'But it's stopping you becoming a badass doctor so you need to get over it asap.'

'It is not stopping me being a badass doctor.' She rolled her eyes. 'I just can't concentrate. I don't know…. Being back here without him… it's just so weird.'

'I didn't even know you had a boyfriend.' Said Izzie as Meredith got under the covers of her bed, pulling them around her.

'We've not been allowed to talk about it.' Cristina explained, rolling her eyes.

'Oh.' Izzie breathed.

'I just…' Meredith started, allowing herself to talk about him for the first time in weeks was weird, especially to someone new. 'I miss him.'

'Ew.' Said Cristina.

'Cristina.' Izzie hissed again, before turning back to Meredith. 'I… how long did you guys date for?'

'Two years.' Meredith sighed, her heart clenching at the thought of him. His strong arms wrapped around her and his cheeky smile when he would meet her after class and bring her lunch.

'Oh… wow. That's… a long time.' Izzie continued.

'Yeah.' Meredith whispered, her gut wrenching.

'Was it a bad break up?'

'No.' Meredith smiled, tears stinging her eyes. 'And I think that's the worst part.'

'I'm confused,' Izzie frowned. 'If it wasn't a bad breakup and you miss him… then what's the big deal? Call him.'

'No.' Meredith shook her head. 'I can't.'

'Why not?'

'When she says the break up wasn't bad, it was.' Said Cristina.

'No it wasn't.' protested Meredith.

'It was.' Cristina shrugged.

'How was mine and Derek's break up bad?' she demanded. 'We left on good terms.'

'Yeah and you've been a mess ever since. You've never gotten over him. That to me is a bad breakup. Sure you didn't scream at each other and he didn't cheat on you. But he moved like three thousand miles away and that's the only reason you broke up. You still love him and you cant be with him.'

'Yeah exactly, that's why it's worse.'

'Oh Mer.' Comforted Izzie. 'Do you want us to try and help take your mind off it?'

'I don't know.' She sighed. 'I mean… I've tried to take my mind off it ever since we broke up… and I kinda started to do better but since we came back here… everything reminds me of him. Everything.'

'Including the Smith street pizza.' Chimed in Cristina.

'Oh.' Breathed Izzie.

'I just… I can't stop thinking about him.' Meredith blurted. 'All the time.' And it was true, she found herself thinking about Derek almost every minute of every day. Every time she walked to class she remembered their walks hand in hand around campus, every time she went to starbucks she would be reminded of the black coffee he used to have, and then when she would get her iced coffee it reminded her of how he would bring her one every day when she was studying in the library. And her thoughts drifted to him every single night before she went to sleep. Wondering what he was doing right in that moment. Wondering if he ever thought of her the way she thought of him. If he ever thought of her at all. He'd probably forgotten all about her by now.

He was attractive, kind, funny. He'd probably have women falling at his feet. There were lots of on call rooms in hospitals, he'd probably slept with at least three other interns by now. He was too attractive for them to not notice. Four months was a long time. She was probably just being pathetic. He'd no doubt moved on from her by now.

'Do you… want to talk about it?'

'I don't know.' Meredith sighed.

'Please say no.' groaned Cristina.

'I mean.. what is there to talk about? We're not together anymore. It's simple.' She said sadly.

'Not if you still love him.' Smiled Izzie gently. 'Why don't you tell me about it? Him?'

'I… I don't know.' Meredith sighed.

'He was a dork.' Said Cristina.

'He was not a dork!' frowned Meredith. 'Okay… he kind of was a dork.' She breathed, smiling at Izzie. 'But a loveable one.'

'He was sexy too.' Said Cristina.

'Cristina!' shouted Meredith.

'What?' she shrugged. 'He was a dork but he had good hair. And he was hot.'

'So hot and smart.' Nodded Izzie. 'Both good.'

'And thoughtful.' She said slowly. Because he was, Derek was extremely thoughtful. There was one time when he knew she had period cramps so let himself into her dorm before she got back from class and put a hot water bottle in her bed and her favourite candy beside it so that when she came home it was all warm and cosy. It was the little things he used to do for her that made her heart hurt.

'Thoughtful.' Izzie nodded.

'And kind. He's really kind.' She began to smile. 'He has four sisters, who all live in New York. Their dad died when they were younger and Derek looked after them all. He still does.'

'That's nice.' Izzie smiled reassuringly.

'And he loves his mom.'

'Dork.' Piped up Cristina.

'That doesn't make him a dork.' Said Izzie. 'It's sweet.'

'Really sweet.' Meredith nodded. 'He's a good guy.'

'He sounds it.' Izzie smiled. 'And he's moved away for residency?'

'Yeah.' Meredith sighed. 'He graduated.'

'Oh, he came here?'

'Yeah. Med school too. He's an intern now, in Seattle.'

'Oh…' Izzie breathed. 'And you… still love him?'

Yeah.' She sighed, pulling at the sting of the cushion in front of her. 'In stupid Seattle.'

'Aren't you from Seattle?' asked Izzie.

'Yeah.' She groaned. 'But I'm here for another two years while he's becoming a stupid surgeon.'

'Hey- surgeons aren't stupid.' Cut in Cristina.

'Derek's stupid.' Said Meredith quietly. 'Stupid Derek. With his stupid boy penis. And his stupid internship. Wanting to be a stupid neurosurgeon. In stupid Seattle.'

'Seattle is also not stupid.' Said Cristina. 'I want to do my residency there if I don't get into Mass Gen.'

'You can not go to Seattle.' Meredith said seriously. 'What if you go and Derek's your resident or something?!'

'Then he's my resident. Big deal.' She shrugged.

'Seriously?' Meredith demanded.

'Seriously.' Cristina shrugged. 'It's not like I'd talk to him.'

'But he's Derek.' She whimpered.

'Okay, getting too emotional, Mer.' Groaned Cristina. 'You sickened me when you were together let alone now you're broken up.'

'So you guys just decided you wouldn't be able to make it work?' asked Izzie softly.

'Yeah.' She sighed. 'We… he's gonna be there for at least five years for his residency. I'll be here another two. And then I might not get into Seattle Grace so could end up anywhere for my residency. And surgical residents hardly have any time off, we would never be able to make it work. And then we'd resent one another for not being able to see each other and then we'd hate each other and… I could never hate him. I could never want to hate him. So we figured it was better to cut it off before it got ugly.'

'How did he take it?'

'Derek?' she breathed. 'Hard I think. I mean, we decided together. But he was sad. Probably not anymore though.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well he's living his New life in Seattle now with loads of other interns. Female interns. Probably attractive interns.'

'Not necessarily attractive.' Quipped Cristina.

'True.' Said Izzie. 'You never know. If you really loved each other he could still be thinking of you, too.'

'I doubt it.' She mumbled. 'I probably would have heard from him by now. He's into all the feelings crap. He would have called.'

'That's true, he's like a girl.' Said Cristina.

'He is not like a girl.' Meredith frowned. 'He is very manly.'

'Oh yeah.' Cristina scoffed. 'Very manly. If you say so.'

'He was.' She pouted. 'And he was great in bed.'

'He was?' Izzie's eyes lit up.

'Yeah.' She sighed. 'Amazing.'

'That's true. She made some pretty wild noises while he was impaling her.'

'Can you stop saying that he impaled me?

'It's what it sounded like.' Cristina shrugged before turning to Izzie. 'Apparently he made her come six times on her birthday.'

'Cristina!' Meredith hissed.

'Wait what?' breathed Izzie. 'Really?'

'Yeah.' She groaned.

'And she hasn't slept with anyone since.'

'You haven't slept with anyone in four months?' asked Izzie. 'Wow.'

'No.' Meredith sighed. 'I can't… it just feels wrong. Like I'd be cheating on Derek or something.'

'But you're not together.' Said Cristina.

'I know that! I just… I still love him. The thought of anyone else… I can't do it.'

'Have you tried?' asked Izzie.

'I kissed this one guy… at a party,' Meredith admitted. 'But I.. it felt so wrong. I had to stop it and I came home. It just made me think of him. And then made me think about if he was out kissing other girls and then I started crying and ate a full tub of ice cream.'

'Wow that's rough.' Said Izzie.

'I know.' Meredith sighed.

'She never used to be like this.' Said Cristina. 'He ruined her.'

'Okay… well maybe we should try and help you?' said Izzie. 'Maybe you're missing the romance in your life not just the sex. We could try and set you up on some dates? I know people.'

'I don't miss romance I miss Derek.' Meredith shook her head.

'Well Derek's gone.' Said Cristina bluntly. 'And you cant be celibate the rest of your life.'

'I miss him.' She breathed, feeling the tears stinging her eyes again. 'I miss him so much.'

'Right,' sad Izzie. 'That's it. He's moved away and you're not getting back together any time soon. We're gonna help you get over him. Aren't we Cristina?'

'We are?' she asked dryly.

'We are. Okay. I know this guy called George who is super sweet and one hundred percent single. I'm gonna get him to take you out to dinner and even if you don't like him it's a step forward in moving on from…. What was your boyfriends name?'

'Derek.' Meredith breathed. 'Derek Shepherd.'

 _Thank you for reading! Please review X_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello again! Okay so I know I am the absolute worst and I'm so so so sorry. I don't really have a good excuse for not updating except school and life in general has been really busy and I just haven't found the time to give my fics the attention they deserve. But here is a new chapter and I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for reading._

Meredith burst her way through the front door, flinging her coat off and flopping on the couch next to Cristina, taking the bag of chips off her lap and tucking into them.

'You,' she said with her mouth full. 'Are never setting me up on a date again.' She said to Izzie who was sat on the floor painting her toenails while something blared from the TV.

'Dating's crap.' Said Cristina bluntly, not moving her eyes from the television.

'It can't have been that bad!' Protested Izzie.

'Well it was.'

'George is a really nice guy.' She pouted. 'What was wrong with him?

'It was awkward.' Meredith shrugged.

'In what way?' probed Izzie.

'In that it was awkward.'

'It can't have been that awkward- he's sweet!'

'Just because he's sweet doesn't mean I want to date him.' She sighed.

'Okay so, talk us through it.'

'Does she have to?' groaned Cristina.

'Yes.' Said Izzie firmly. 'You went for dinner, right?'

'Right.' Meredith nodded. 'We went to an Italian. It was really nice.'

'So the restaurant or the atmosphere or whatever wasn't an issue?'

'No.' Meredith shook her head.

'Okay.' Izzie nodded. 'Carry on.'

'He… I don't know. He was sweet and he was kind but he was…. I don't know. A bit dorky.'

'Brain boy was dorky.' Pointed out Cristina.

'Shut up.' Meredith rolled her eyes. 'He was… I don't know… he was too dorky. Which makes me sound like a bitch.'

'Just a bit.' Said Cristina.

'Was he funny?' smiled Izzie.

'Well yeah.' Meredith shrugged.

'So the only downside was that he was too dorky?'

'I don't know.' Meredith sighed. 'I wasn't really attracted to him. It's not like he was ugly or anything. But wasn't…' she trailed off waving her hand in the air.

'Derek.' Cristina finished her sentence for her.

'That wasn't what I was going to say.' She said bluntly.

'But it's what you were thinking.'

'No it wasn't.' she replied quickly.

'Give it up Mer, Izzie sent you on a date with a nice geeky boy just like the one you dated and you cant tell us anything that's actually wrong with him. You just don't like him because he's not brain boy.'

'That's not true.' Meredith shook her head.

'to be fair, it is your first date since the breakup, most people don't actually like the first person they date again. Its just a rebound.'

'Yeah.' Meredith sighed. 'At least I got some free food.'

'He paid?' Cristina raised her eyebrows.

'Yeah.' She nodded. 'I offered, but he paid.'

'He's a gentleman.' Smiled Izzie.

'He was nice.' Meredith sighed. 'Now I feel mean.'

'You can't help it if you don't like someone that way.' Shrugged Izzie. 'But you made good progress. Going on a date. It's a step.'

'Yeah. I suppose.' She mumbled. But the truth was, she didn't want to take a step. She didn't want to make progress. What she wanted was Derek. Nothing had felt the same since he had left and she felt empty or something. Being on a date tonight with another guy just reaffirmed that.

It was true, there was nothing wrong with this George guy. He was perfectly nice. He was really sweet and he seemed kind and caring, he would definitely look after her. And he was funny, hard working and seemed like a really genuine guy, but Cristina had hit the nail on the head when she said he wasn't Derek. No one would look after her the way Derek did. No one would ever compare. It didn't seem fair that people could move on from their boyfriends so easily or at least still not be pining after them months and months after the breakup. He was all she could think about and her heart ached at the thought of never being with him again.

At the time it didn't really feel real. Like they would always get back together at some point. But the reality was that he was living six hours away from her, with his own life. She couldn't help but keep thinking what he was doing. What he was thinking. If he ever thought of her at all.

Sometimes she had these dreams, they were usually memories really. Of them together. Of the good times. He probably never even thought about them, yet they consumed her whole brain when she was asleep.

She missed his family, too. His mom and his sisters. They had almost become like her own family in the two years they had dated, and now she had no idea what she was going to do over the holidays. The last two years she had spent them in New York with Derek and the rest of the Shepherds, and now she was going to be all alone in Seattle with her mother.

The thought of going back there for Christmas sent a shiver up her spine. They would be in the same city. Unless he went home to New York of course. But even so he wouldn't be home the whole three weeks she would be in Washington. Being so close yet so far from him would probably kill her. It was hard enough here, with the actual problem of distance. Let alone when she would be living potentially a few blocks away from him. Her stomach flipped at the thought of seeing him out somewhere, probably with his new girlfriend. He had to have a girlfriend by now. He was such a catch, any girl could see that. He was handsome and he was kind and he was fucking amazing in bed.

He was probably dating another intern. A pretty girl. With an amazing body and good boobs. She was probably a gorgeous brunette, with long shiny hair, unlike her mousy brown waves full of split ends. She was probably called something fancy like Clarissa and most definitely had a lot less baggage than she did. Derek and Clarissa. Clarissa Shepherd.

She took a deep breath and snapped back into the conversation with Izzie and Cristina who were looking at her expectantly.

'What?'

'You haven't been listening to us at all have you?' sighed Izzie.

'She's been thinking about Derek.'

'Can you stop saying that?' Meredith glared at her best friend, to which Cristina simply shrugged in response.

'Oh Mer, it's okay.' Smiled Izzie.

'It's not okay.' She pouted. 'I'm pathetic.'

'That I agree with.' Chimed in Cristina again.

'I just…. I've been on a date. I've been on a date and I feel like I'm cheating on Derek.'

'Don't be stupid.' Said Cristina. 'You broke up ages ago.'

'I know that. But I just…. It feels so wrong.' She shook her head. 'And if I've been on a date with another guy then he has most definitely been on dates with other girls. He's so much better at the whole dating thing than me. And he's a catch. He probably has a girlfriend by now.' She was talking too fast, she knew she was. She was letting her mind run away with her. 'Stupid Clarissa with her stupid big boobs and her stupid internship.'

'Who the fuck is Clarissa?' frowned Cristina.

'Probably Derek's new girlfriend.'

'Come off it Mer,' Cristina shook her head. 'If you're not over him no way is he over you.'

'He probably is.'

'We could always find out?' Izzie suggested. 'Then at least you know.'

'How would we do that?' Cristina frowned.

'Facebook.' She shrugged.

'No.' Meredith shook her head. 'We agreed to delete each other.'

'We can still look at his profile.' Said Izzie.

'No.' Meredith shook her head, feeling a lump in her throat form. His last profile picture had been of the two of them, smiling at his youngest sister, Imogen's, birthday party. She had been wearing a red dress and he had been wearing a white button down with black trousers. he'd had his arms wrapped around her waist and she had her head resting on his shoulder as they both grinned at the camera.

He'd probably deleted it now.

'Come on, at least this way you'll know.' Said Cristina.

'I don't want to know.' She shook her head.

'It's better than assuming things.' Pointed out Izzie.

'But what if he really does have a girlfriend?' she whimpered as she felt her stomach rolling. 'The thought of seeing him with someone else…'

'It's going to happen sooner or later. Might as well get it over with. Do you still have his mom or sisters?'

'No.' she shook her head. 'We agreed to cut all ties. It would be easier that way. I guess If I still had them I would already know about his girlfriend. She'd be tagged in a shepherd family picture.'

'Come on,' said Izzie. 'he might not even have one.'

'Probably does.'

'I bet he doesn't.' said Cristina. 'He's an intern. Theres no time for dating.'

'Exactly.' Said Izzie.

'Lots of time for fucking in on call rooms though.' Said Meredith.

'So? It wont mean anything.' Shrugged Cristina.

'I don't care. It makes me feel sick.'

'Are we going to have a look or not?' said Izzie, picking her cell up from the couch arm and plopping herself in between her two friends.

'No.' said Meredith.

'Yep.' Nodded Cristina. 'Type him in.'

'Izzie don't do it.' Said Meredith sternly. 'I don't want to see it.'

'But I do.' Cristina replied, taking Izzie's cell phone and typing him in. 'There he is.'

'No.' Meredith breathed, closing her eyes and putting her hands over her ears. 'Don't tell me.'

'No girl in his photo. Just him.' Cristina reported, zooming in on a picture of her friends ex.

'No girl?' she breathed a sigh of relief.

'Nope. Just him.'

'What's he doing?'

'Smiling.' Cristina shrugged. 'Looks like he's in a bar or something.'

'I don't want to see.' She shook her head. Even though she did.

'Wow he is hot.' Said Izzie. 'Nice one Mer.'

'You're not helping.' She said flatly. 'Hurry up.'

'Okay, okay,' sighed Cristina, swiping her finger to Derek's previous profile picture. 'The last one is still the one of you two.'

'It is?' Meredith breathed, her heart clenching.

'Yup. Red dress.' Cristina replied as she kept scrolling. 'And the one before is the two of you in the park. It doesn't look like he's deleted his pictures with you?'

'Really?' she almost whispered. 'They're still there?'

'Yup.'

'Is that weird?' she asked, feeling her eyes stinging underneath her fingers.

'I don't know.' Said Izzie. 'Some people don't delete stuff with their ex.'

'Most people do though, don't they?'

'Did you delete yours with his?' asked Cristina, moving to look at the rest of Derek's profile.

'No.' she said sheepishly. 'I changed my picture but I didn't delete my old ones.'

'Then there you go.' Said Cristina bluntly.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Well why haven't you deleted them?'

'I don't know.' She almost whimpered, making sure not to let her hands fall because she was definitely about to cry.

'Yes you do.'

'No sign of a girl anywhere, Mer.' Smiled Izzie. 'He's been tagged in a couple of pictures with who looks like his mom.'

'Yeah that's his mom.' Nodded Cristina. 'And there's some Christmas pictures. No girl there, just his mom, Mark and the girls. A couple of boys I'm assuming their boyfriends.'

'Yeah that'll be Joe and Dexter.' She nodded.

'Are you sure you don't want to look?' asked Cristina.

'Sure.'

'He has Seattle Grace Hospital as his place of work,' pointed out Izzie. 'We can see who else works there that he has as a friend.'

'How do you do that?' frowned Cristina.

'Click on it.' Izzie urged. 'And it will come up with other people, and if you go on their friends you can see if they're friends with him. Unless they have their friends on private.'

'Okay.' Cristina nodded, beginning her search. 'Jessica Barker, not friends with her. Tilly Anderson, not friends with her. Kieron Madeshead- wait we don't care about the boys. Oh, but he is his friend. Mark Sloan, friends, obviously. Addison Montgomery, friends. Naomi-'

'Addison?' her breath hitched in her throat. 'What does she look like?'

'One minute let me go back.' Cristina sighed. 'And will you take your hands down you're being ridiculous.'

'I am not.' She pouted.

'Take them down or I'm not telling you how hot she is.'

'She's hot?' Meredith gasped, dropping her hands instantly and looking straight over Cristina's shoulder at the stunning redhead on the phone screen. 'Oh my god. She's beautiful.'

'Woah she is hot.' Izzie breathed, before looking at her friend quickly. 'Sorry Mer.'

'Oh god….' She breathed, her stomach churning.

'Let me look.' Said Cristina, swiping through Addison's pictures.

'I bet its her.' She whimpered. 'She's all leggy and fabulous. If I was him I would date her.'

'Me too.' Said Izzie.

'Just because he works with her it doesn't mean they're dating.' Cristina pointed out.

'Yeah right.' Said Meredith. 'They're at least fucking.'

'You don't know that.'

'I do.' She said sadly.

'You don't. Stop being a pussy. Lets see who else he's friends with.'

'Kay.' She breathed.

'Taylor Frost, friends.'

'She's really pretty.' Meredith whimpered, reaching to click on the blonde in front of her. 'Look at her!'

'Well he cant be dating both of them.' Cristina said simply.

'Could be sleeping with both of them though.' She pointed out.

'Mer, half of his pictures are still with you. Stop stressing.'

'I know.' She sighed.

'And… you are broken up,' Izzie said meekly. 'It's going to happen at some point.'

'I know.' She said defensively.

'Brain boy was crazy about you for some reason. Stop acting like someone killed your puppy because he's friends with people from his work. I think they're the only two he's friends with anyway,' she said as she carried on scrolling. 'He's friends with a few more boys but I haven't come across any other girls he's friends with.'

'They're probably the girl interns assigned to his resident.' Pointed out Izzie. 'They'll just be friends.'

'Hmmmmm.' Breathed Meredith. 'I miss him.'

'We know you do.' Cristina rolled her eyes before closing Facebook. 'Now, who is going to get the bottle of wine out of the refrigerator? I'm parched.'

 _Thank you for reading! Please review X_


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